5 Things Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Menopause

Menopause is a natural stage in every woman’s life, but if you’re like me, you might not have realized that it doesn’t just happen overnight. The transition can actually begin years earlier, in a phase known as perimenopause.

Menopause is a natural stage in every woman’s life, but if you’re like me, you might not have realized that it doesn’t just happen overnight. The transition can actually begin years earlier, in a phase known as perimenopause.

I didn’t hear the term perimenopause until my early forties, when I started experiencing symptoms that I couldn’t quite explain. I was having trouble sleeping, my moods felt unpredictable, and my menstrual cycles became completely unpredictable – sometimes heavy, sometimes light, and sometimes skipping altogether.

One day, I was out with my family at the mall, and out of nowhere, I started crying. I wasn’t sad, nothing had happened to upset me, and I had no explanation for why I was suddenly so overwhelmed. My family looked at me with concern, but all I felt in that moment was embarrassment and confusion. It was like my emotions had taken on a life of their own, completely out of my control.

That moment was a turning point for me – the final straw that led me to seek professional support, because all I could think was, “What is happening to me?”

When I finally mentioned it to my doctor, she explained that I was probably in perimenopause – the transitional stage leading up to menopause. She also recommended that I ask my mother or grandmother about their experiences, as family history can provide some insight into what to expect. I was surprised, but also relieved to have a name for what I was going through.

If you’re in a similar place, or if you’re just trying to get ahead of the changes, here are a few things I wish I’d known:

1. Perimenopause Can Start Earlier Than You Think

Perimenopause typically begins in a woman’s 40s, but it can start as early as your mid-30s. This phase can last anywhere from a few months to over a decade, and it officially ends when you have gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period – the one-day event that officially marks menopause.

2. The Symptoms Can Be Surprising and Varied

While hot flashes and night sweats are well-known symptoms, there are many other signs of perimenopause that can catch you off guard, including:

• Itchy Skin and Palms – Hormonal changes can make your skin drier and more sensitive, leading to unusual itching.

• Weight Gain in Unusual Places – You might notice that your body is storing fat in new areas, like your back, upper arms, or waist.

• Night Sweats – Not just a daytime nuisance, these intense heat surges can strike in the middle of the night, disrupting your sleep and leaving you drenched.

• Heart Palpitations – A racing or fluttering heartbeat can be unsettling, but it’s a common symptom for some women.

• Mood Swings and Anxiety – Even if you’ve always been emotionally steady, you might find yourself feeling more irritable, anxious, or emotionally sensitive.

• Digestive Issues and Bloating – Hormonal shifts can also impact your gut, leading to gas, bloating, or changes in bowel habits.

• Brain Fog and Forgetfulness – You may struggle to remember names, dates, or where you left your keys – a frustrating but normal part of this transition.

• Gum Problems and Bleeding Gums – You might notice your gums becoming more sensitive or prone to bleeding.

• Chronic Fatigue – Despite getting enough sleep, you may still feel unusually tired or physically drained.

• Vaginal Dryness and Discomfort – Lower estrogen levels can reduce natural lubrication, leading to discomfort during intimacy.

3. It’s Not Just Physical – It’s Emotional Too

Perimenopause can be an emotional rollercoaster. The same hormonal shifts that cause physical symptoms can also trigger mood swings, irritability, and even periods of sadness or depression. If you find yourself feeling more sensitive, overwhelmed, or even disconnected from your usual self, know that you are not alone.

That day at the mall taught me that these emotions don’t always come with a clear reason, and that can be just as confusing as the physical symptoms. It’s a reminder to be gentle with yourself during this time.

Gentle Reminder: Your emotions are valid, and this is a time to practice deep self-compassion. Seek support from loved ones, join a supportive community, or consider speaking with a therapist if you need a safe space to process these changes.

4. Lifestyle Changes Can Make a Big Difference

While perimenopause is a natural process, there are lifestyle changes you can make to ease the transition and support your overall well-being:

• Balanced Diet – Focus on nutrient-rich foods that support hormone balance, bone health, and overall vitality.

• Stay Hydrated – Dry skin, bloating, and fatigue can all be worsened by dehydration. Drink plenty of water throughout the day.

• Regular Exercise – Physical activity helps regulate hormone levels, reduce stress, and maintain a healthy weight.

• Prioritize Rest – Create a calming bedtime routine, avoid caffeine in the afternoon, and keep your bedroom cool and comfortable.

• Mind-Body Practices – Mindfulness, yoga, deep breathing, and time in nature can all help reduce stress and support hormonal balance.

• Herbal Support – Certain herbs like black cohosh, red clover, and evening primrose oil have been traditionally used to support hormonal balance and ease menopausal symptoms.

5. Menopause is a Time for Self-Discovery

Menopause is not just an ending – it’s also a new beginning. It’s a time to reflect, reconnect with yourself, and redefine what it means to be a woman in this next stage of life.

Gentle Reminder: You are not just “getting older.” You are becoming wiser, more grounded, and more deeply connected to your true self.

Reflective Prompts for Self-Awareness:

• What changes have you noticed in your body or mood recently?

• How are you currently supporting your body through this transition?

• Are there areas of your life where you could use more support or self-care?

• How can you embrace this stage of life as a time of renewal and personal growth?

• What would it look like to honor your body’s wisdom at this stage of your journey?

Affirmations for the Journey:

• I trust my body and its ability to adapt and transform.

• I embrace this season of life with grace, strength, and resilience.

• I honor the wisdom of my body and listen to its needs.

• I am worthy of care, rest, and deep self-love.

• I release what no longer serves me and welcome this new chapter with an open heart.

A Final Thought

Perimenopause and menopause are natural phases of life, not something to be feared or resisted. Your body is wise, and it knows exactly what it needs to transition gracefully into this next chapter.

Be well.