Releasing the Armor – Choosing Peace Over Patterns

I can be defensive at times. In the past, I fit the “angry Black woman” narrative – wore it like a badge of honor, not realizing it was feeding an energy I needed to release.

If you’re anything like me, you might have had to learn through the school of hard knocks that choosing conflict only invites more conflict. Honestly, I’m still working on my anger management, but this is what I’ve come to understand so far:

Lessons Learned About Anger and Accountability

• Everything Has a Time and Place: Anger isn’t inherently bad, but it has its place.

• Anger is Draining: It consumes more energy than it’s worth.

• Everyone is Battling Something: We never know the weight others are carrying.

• Unhealed Wounds Shape Our Reactions: Many of us are navigating unresolved trauma we haven’t even named yet.

• My Healing is My Responsibility: No one else is responsible for my peace.

• I Am In Control of Me: No one else should have power over my emotions.

• There Will Always Be a Test Before the Elevation: Growth requires challenge.

• I Have Choices – Always: I may not control what happens, but I can choose my response.

Self-accountability means being aware of our triggers and knowing when to take a step back. It’s not about perfection – it’s about making small, conscious choices that create more peace and less resistance over time.

The Power of Reflection

After a stressful situation, take a moment to reflect. This isn’t about beating yourself up, but rather about learning and growing from each experience.

• What could you have done differently?

• What did you do well in that situation?

• What was the lesson?

If it feels right, go back and make amends or communicate where necessary. In the future, try to be present and choose compassion, both for yourself and others. This has been a significant help in reducing my temper, and perhaps it may be helpful for you, too.

Ultimately, we all have the power to outgrow the patterns that keep us stuck – but it starts with self-awareness, gentle accountability, and a willingness to do the internal work.

Reflect and Journal

• What are some patterns or triggers you’re ready to release?

• How have these patterns shaped your relationships and the way you show up in the world?

• What would choosing peace look like for you in moments of conflict?

• How can you create a habit of self-accountability that feels supportive, not restrictive?

Take a deep breath. Release what no longer serves you. You have the power to choose differently.

With love,

Anusa ✨