Choosing Yourself: 8 Ways to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Everyone has an area where they can be kinder to themselves, whether they admit it or not. And if we’re being honest, we can sometimes be our own worst enemy. This is your gentle reminder to be your own cheerleader, even when it feels difficult.

What is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is the act of doing things that block your progress in areas of life where you want to succeed. It’s when you consciously or unconsciously create obstacles that keep you from reaching your goals. For some, it looks like procrastination, perfectionism, or indecisiveness. For others, it might show up as overcommitting, second-guessing, or avoiding difficult conversations.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

Most self-sabotage is rooted in fear and self-doubt. Our minds crave comfort and familiarity, even if it means staying stuck. When your core beliefs about yourself don’t align with what you want, it’s easier to fall back into old patterns to avoid discomfort, rejection, or perceived failure.

Overcoming self-sabotage starts with self-awareness and a willingness to challenge the stories you tell yourself. Here are eight ways self-sabotage can creep in and how you can break free.

8 Ways Self-Sabotage Shows Up in Your Life

1. Worrying About the Future

   
   

   It’s natural to worry about what’s to come, but chronic worry can paralyze you. Make plans, but remember that life is unpredictable, and worrying won’t change the outcome. When you find yourself spiraling, ground yourself in the present.

   
   

   • Practice: Sit with your feet on the ground, breathe deeply, and focus on what you can see, hear, smell, and feel around you.

   
   

2. Thinking the World Doesn’t Need Your Voice

   
   

   It’s easy to feel small in a world with billions of people, but no one else can share your gifts, wisdom, or perspective the way you can.

   
   

   • Reflect: What would you do if you weren’t afraid of being judged or overlooked? Who might be waiting to hear your story?

   
   

3. Not Expressing How You Feel

   
   

   Avoiding difficult conversations can create distance in your relationships and leave you feeling misunderstood. Speak up with clarity and compassion.

   
   

   • Practice: Use “I” statements to express how you feel, like, “I felt hurt when you missed our meeting. In the future, please let me know if you can’t make it.” This opens the door for more honest, meaningful connections.

   
   

4. Being Afraid to Fail

   
   

   The only real failure is never trying. Remember, you’ve overcome challenges before and can do it again.

   
   

   • Reflect: What would your life look like if you weren’t afraid to fail? What small step can you take today toward that vision?

   
   

5. Not Showing Up Because You Don’t Feel Ready

   
   

   Perfectionism can be a form of self-sabotage. You don’t have to be perfect to be impactful—just start.

   
   

   • Practice: Show up, even if you feel nervous or unsure. You’ll gain confidence through action, not just planning.

   
   

6. Listening to Your Inner Critic

   
   

   Your inner critic often speaks from a place of fear. Instead of letting it control you, practice speaking to yourself with kindness and encouragement.

   
   

   • Practice: Write the affirmations you needed to hear as a child on sticky notes or index cards. Place them where you can see them daily.

   
   

7. Avoiding the Work by Taking Another Class

   
   

   Sometimes we hide behind preparation to avoid real progress. If you’ve taken course after course without implementing what you’ve learned, it might be time to act.

   
   

   • Practice: Take small steps outside your comfort zone. If public speaking scares you, start by having more face-to-face conversations or volunteering to speak in smaller groups.

   
   

8. Not Enjoying Life

   
   

   Sometimes, self-sabotage looks like taking life too seriously and forgetting to have fun. Joy is a powerful, healing force—make space for it.

   
   

   • Reflect: What would your life look like if you gave yourself permission to truly live, laugh, and be present?

A Gentle Challenge

Take a moment to imagine what your life would look like if you fully believed in yourself. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? How would you show up if you trusted that you have everything you need to succeed?

Start with one small step today. Your dreams are waiting.