Healing from Limerence: Moving Toward Healthy Connection

If you’ve ever found yourself intensely drawn to someone – to the point where your thoughts, emotions, and sense of self seemed to revolve around them – it’s okay. You’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, this is a common human experience, often referred to as limerence – a state of deep infatuation or emotional obsession with another person.

But while these feelings can be powerful, they can also become overwhelming if they slip into unhealthy patterns. If you’ve found yourself in this situation, consider this an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Understanding Limerence

Limerence, a term first coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1977, is characterized by intense, often involuntary feelings of infatuation. It’s marked by obsessive thoughts, longing for reciprocation, and a deep desire to feel seen, valued, or chosen.

While it’s natural to desire connection and intimacy, limerence can become a barrier to the kind of deep, fulfilling relationships you truly deserve if left unchecked.

Why Limerence Happens

Limerence isn’t just about the other person – it’s often a reflection of deeper, unmet needs within ourselves. It can be a response to emotional neglect, unresolved childhood wounds, or a deep-seated longing for connection and belonging.

You might be more prone to limerence if:

• You grew up feeling unseen, unimportant, or emotionally neglected

• You developed an anxious or insecure attachment style

• You often seek external validation to feel worthy or valued

• You have a tendency to idealize others or place them on a pedestal

• You tend to romanticize the idea of being saved, chosen, or deeply understood

And if this sounds familiar, that’s okay. It simply means you have an opportunity to break this cycle and reclaim your power.

Signs You Might Be in Limerence

Here are a few common signs of limerence:

• Reading Between the Lines: If you find yourself over-analyzing every word, glance, or text message for signs of interest, you might be caught in a limerent loop.

• Living in Fantasy: If you spend more time imagining your relationship than actually building it, this can be a sign that you’re more invested in the idea of connection than the reality.

• Persistent Thoughts: If thoughts of this person dominate your mind, even when you try to focus elsewhere, it might be time to gently redirect your attention.

• Longing Without Progress: If your feelings linger without any real indication of mutual interest or emotional growth, it’s worth considering whether this connection is truly serving you.

• Social Media Over-Awareness: If you find yourself checking their social media or online status more often than you’d like to admit, this can be a sign of emotional attachment that isn’t fully grounded in reality.

Healing from Limerence

Breaking free from limerence doesn’t mean you have to harden your heart or stop caring about others – it just means learning to direct that same love and attention toward yourself.

Here are a few ways to start:

• Interrupt the Thought Pattern: When thoughts of this person arise, gently redirect your mind to something else – a hobby, a self-care practice, or a positive affirmation.

• Reclaim Your Energy: Call your energy back to yourself. Remind yourself that you are whole, worthy, and capable of creating real, meaningful connections.

• Get Clear on What You Want: Take time to reflect on what a truly fulfilling relationship looks like to you. What qualities do you value? What do you need to feel safe, seen, and loved?

• Heal Your Inner Child: Consider whether this person reminds you of an earlier relationship or unresolved wound. For example, are you drawn to emotionally unavailable people because it mirrors a childhood experience of longing for connection?

• Practice Radical Self-Care: Nurture yourself with the same love, attention, and care you’ve been pouring into this other person. When you feel full within yourself, you naturally attract healthier, more reciprocal connections.

Reflective Prompts for Healing from Limerence:

• What core needs am I trying to meet through this connection?

• In what ways have I been abandoning myself in this relationship?

• How can I redirect this energy toward my own growth and well-being?

• What would it feel like to be in a relationship where I feel safe, seen, and valued without having to chase it?

• How can I create a life that feels full, meaningful, and fulfilling, even outside of romantic relationships?

A Gentle Reminder

It’s okay if you’ve felt this way. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, broken, or unworthy of real love. It just means you’re human – a beautifully complex, deeply feeling being who longs for connection.

But you deserve more than longing. You deserve love that is mutual, safe, and fulfilling – love that doesn’t require you to abandon yourself or settle for breadcrumbs.

Be patient with yourself as you heal. You are already enough, and you are more than capable of creating the relationships you truly desire.

You are not alone. You can do this.

Be well.