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The Aftermath Of Ghosting: Rebuilding Self-Esteem And Trust

Updated: Sep 20, 2023

Dealing with ghosting or rejection can be challenging. I know I've talked before about how rejection can sometimes be a good thing, but I understand that it doesn't make the hurt go away.


I want to remind you that this is a temporary obstacle you will overcome, even if it doesn't feel that way.

Note: I do not intend to put anyone down or encourage harmful behavior. This post is for informational purposes only.


The practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship.

Again, women ghost, too. In terms of this post and from a dating perspective, these are a few common reasons why some men ghost.

He Wasn't Interested

People run from the things they can't face or handle. It is sometimes a defense mechanism and, other times, the easy way out. If he wasn't interested, didn't want to, or felt he deserved an explanation, he let himself fade out or distanced himself. In some instances, he may not know how to express that he wasn't interested. We can not assume that in this day and age because we are adults, everyone has the same level of compassion or communication.

Some people are not there yet, and it is not personal.

He Wasn't Ready For What You Wanted

You may have been a good fit. However, he may not have been ready to be in a relationship. Maybe he wasn't prepared to settle down. Maybe he was still building his business/ career. Perhaps he wasn't even single or available to act out his interest or pursue you. Maybe he is still figuring out what he wants or his place in life in general. Those are a lot of maybes, but unless he comes back to tell you what the case was, you have to make peace with not knowing.

He Wasn't Where He Wanted To Be

Men can have a lot going for themselves and still be insecure. It can also be overwhelming when trying to fit someone else's expectations when an internal battle is going on. He might remove himself if he does not feel he can be who you need.

He Doesn't Know How To Process His Emotions

Some people don't know how to process, express, or be honest about their feelings. They may not know their likes, dislikes, fears, strengths, etc. So, a man unsure of himself or how to process his emotions does not want you to see where he falls short. He would rather fall off the Earth before he lets himself be associated with anything considered weak. Let me clear this up by saying some men will not hide and are determined to change the narrative. The point is it's not even personal. People are dealing with their challenges, and relating can be one of the challenges they need to work on, so they may keep finding themselves in the same situation with different people. That doesn't make ghosting right, but it is another side of why it happens.

After "Ghosting" You Have Choices

I used the word "maybe" several times in this post because I understand that if you're anything like me, you want answers. However, on the other hand, if someone truly wants to be a part of your life, they will try to give you clarity.

Let Yourself Grieve

Everyone's process will be different, even if it's happened before. You may need to grieve the life you thought you would have with this person, as well as feelings of abandonment and unworthiness. To move forward, you may need to work on letting go of negative thoughts and emotions in order to increase your capacity for self-compassion and self-acceptance. Eventually, you'll be able to accept that things are the way they are and stop dwelling on how you wished they were.

Give Yourself Closure

It's better for your well-being to focus on the people who choose to stay in your life, your support system. Scientific research shows that feeling abandoned has an impact on the brain. This is because even if you were left alone at a young age, it still counts as abandonment. As an adult, with more knowledge and resources, you might still question what you could've done differently or what went wrong. However, you are now better equipped to change your perspective. I understand you might miss the connection and the emotions you felt during the relationship. I acknowledge that a split can be challenging for many reasons. But, when one thing ends, another one begins. It's best to let the process happen and trust that what's coming next will benefit you.

No Contact

Even though it might be hard, try to find peace within yourself and resist the urge to reach out to the person who ghosted you. They already know how you feel, and unfortunately, there may not be a clear explanation for their actions. Instead, it's best to cut off contact and move forward because you deserve someone who will treat you respectfully and honestly.

Appreciate what was and accept where you are now. Unraveling your energy will take time. Nonetheless, you will start to feel better. In the meantime, honor yourself by giving yourself closure to keep going.

Reconnect To Yourself

Breaking up is never easy, no matter the circumstances. Whether it's ending a friendship, situation, or marriage by mutual choice or not, severing a connection can significantly impact a person.

I can empathize with your situation.

It's important to remember that every experience, even difficult ones, can help you become stronger. You've likely encountered similar situations and were able to move past them. It's understandable to want attention from someone who has ghosted you, but this may indicate a need for more self-care. Take the time to care for yourself and remind yourself that one experience or person does not define who you are. You deserve the same care and attention that you were seeking from someone else, so practice giving it to yourself.

You are not powerless. When you do your shadow work, you tell yourself new stories that maintain your peace.

Have you been ghosted? Are you dealing with the aftermath of ghosting?


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Anusa is an avid reader and loves to write. When she is not studying, or talking about astrology you can find her out and about in NYC with her family. 

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