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Why Your Attachment Style Matters In Relationships

Updated: Oct 26, 2023

Understanding your attachment style is crucial in determining how you connect with others. Your early attachment style is the basis for your current relationships, making it worthwhile to delve into this topic and identify your attachment style. This will help you better understand how you relate to others, especially in romantic relationships.

The four predominant attachment styles are anxious, avoidant, fearful, and secure.

There are subcategories for different attachment styles as well. Once you identify your attachment style you can do the work to reprogram anything standing in the way of going from insecure to secure in relationships.


Secure attachment generally looks like having a strong understanding of one's identity and part in a relationship. Securely attached individuals discuss problems in the relationship without hostility, provide and accept support consistently, are dependable, adaptable, unafraid of commitment, and actively establish deeper intimacy.

This type of attachment style is generally the result of having consistent, attentive, and supportive caregivers.

Keyword: attentive

Anxious/ Preoccupied

Anxious attachment generally looks like a tendency to be flighty in relationships, an inability to regulate intense emotions, getting attached easily or quickly, and pulling away just as fast due to a fear of intimacy.

Anxious Preoccupied attachment style often develops from inconsistent or avoidant caregivers during early life, resulting in emotional unavailability or difficulty regulating emotions.

Keyword: clingy

Fearful/ Disorganized Avoidant

Fearful Avoidant attachment style can look like an inability to trust and inconsistent behavior. This type is typically more aggressive in relationships due to their ongoing fight-or-flight response.

Fearful attachment style often stems from neglect or abuse during childhood, leaving one feeling trapped, powerless, or unable to defend oneself.

Keywords: hot & cold

Dismissive Avoidant

The avoidant attachment style can look like avoiding emotional connections, having a strong need for independence, or lacking trust in others. Dismissive, avoidant individuals often refrain from displaying their emotions but can maintain long-term relationships.

Keywords: emotionally unavailable, independence

Avoidant attachment style often develops due to emotionally distant or inconsistent early caregivers. Individuals with this style tend to regulate emotions by keeping others at a distance.

attachment styles

Things are always good in the beginning.

However, as the bond between two individuals grows, unhealed past experiences surface. And we may not know what triggers us until we are in the situation.

What is your Attachment Style?

It's natural to desire a meaningful connection with another person. However, past trauma can hinder the ability to feel loved, appreciated, and supported.

Moreover, to enhance your relationships, self-reflection plays a vital role. It may be helpful to look at your past connections and see if any patterns seem, to repeat themselves. Then, by making an effort to recognize and express your needs effectively, you enhance your chances of cultivating joy in your relations and become more secure.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.


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Anusa is an avid reader and loves to write. When she is not studying, or talking about astrology you can find her out and about in NYC with her family. 

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