Updated: Sep 21
She said "first comes marriage then comes love". That got me thinking.
I barely watch TV, but occasionally, I'll indulge. This time, I ended up a whole series, deep in Indian Match Making, on Netflix.
Initially, this series got my attention because I saw that astrology was in the mix. It was interesting to see how they integrated traditional cultural practices of involving family in the dating process from the beginning. I especially liked how they used astrology to determine timing, the promise of marriage, and compatibility.
I thought about us African American families and how it would be nice if we could support each other the same way.
The truth is we have a lot of work to do in the black community. I understand that we did not have many role models to teach us. We are still learning what a healthy union looks like post-slavery, post-welfare, or post-any system that encouraged separation from each other or kept our men from our homes. So I get it.
What do we do about it?
When I was dating, relationships did not come without lessons and more lessons; again, that was because I had the wrong idea of what a healthy union was. So I'm doing my work.
When we do the work, we bring wholeness to every relationship- we bring value. When we bring value, everyone around us levels up and contributes their value. I don't need to say what happens when we only bring 50% and expect 100% from others or vice versa. You know that math is not mathing. So love who you want to love and love yourself enough to know when you have some things that you can do better.
Learning how to cultivate and sustain healthy relationships sets a positive precedent for the younger generation. By demonstrating a positive approach to relationships, we can spare them the difficulties of navigating toxic situations without the necessary skills for success. After all, we, too, required positive examples when we were younger.
It can start with us.
We have been divided within ourselves and from each other for so long that we should all be tired enough to want to make a change by now. So take care of your well-being and focus on self-improvement. By doing so, the environment around you will improve and become the environment you dream of.
Please share this with someone who needs to tend to their garden.