Nurturing Relationships: The Grass Is Greener Where You Water It

“She said, ‘First comes marriage, then comes love.’ That got me thinking.

I barely watch TV, but every now and then, I’ll indulge. This time, I found myself deep into a series on Netflix called Indian Matchmaking.

What caught my attention was how astrology was woven into the matchmaking process. It was interesting to see how families were involved from the beginning, using ancient systems to determine compatibility, timing, and the potential for a successful union.

It made me wonder – what would it look like if we, as African Americans, had similar support systems for our relationships? What if we had elders guiding us, family members invested in our long-term happiness, and spiritual practices woven into our unions from the start?

Where Do We Begin?

The truth is, we have a lot of healing to do. We are still learning what healthy relationships look like, especially in the aftermath of systems designed to keep us divided – post-slavery, post-welfare, post-policies that disrupted the Black family unit. I understand the layers of trauma we are still unraveling, but the question remains: What do we do about it?

Start with You

When I was dating, relationships came with lesson after lesson, and in hindsight, I can see that I was trying to build something real without first establishing a solid relationship with myself. I was looking for someone to fill in the gaps without fully understanding my own needs, boundaries, or worth.

But when we do the work – the deep, sometimes uncomfortable work of healing, self-love, and self-discovery – we bring wholeness to every relationship. We bring value, not just to our partners, but to everyone around us. When you show up whole, the people in your life tend to rise to meet you.

I don’t need to explain what happens when we show up half-full, expecting others to complete us or carry the emotional weight we haven’t addressed. You already know that math doesn’t math.

Setting the Tone for the Next Generation

When we take the time to heal, we create a ripple effect that extends beyond us. We set a positive precedent for the younger generation, teaching them what healthy love looks like. We show them that it’s possible to cultivate meaningful connections without the baggage of past trauma or unspoken wounds.

It Can Start with Us

We have been divided within ourselves and from each other for so long that it’s time to reclaim our power, reconnect with our truth, and prioritize our well-being. When we do this, we create the environment we dream of – one where love, respect, and mutual support are the foundation.

So, tend to your own garden. Heal what needs healing. Fill your own cup. Then, from that place of wholeness, watch how the world around you shifts.

Reflect and Journal

• What kind of relationship do you have with yourself right now?

• What are the gaps you’ve been looking for others to fill?

• How can you show up more fully in your relationships, without losing yourself in the process?

• What legacy do you want to pass down to the next generation in terms of love and partnership?

• How can you water your own grass, so it grows greener from within?

Take a deep breath. You are worthy of healthy, whole, and deeply connected love – starting with the love you give to yourself.

With love,

Anusa ✨